Trail Rider Magazine

Wheel Spin HELMET���MADNESS��� By Kevin Novello I sn���t it funny how some people are transformed by the simple act of putting on a helmet? How often does that seem- ingly sane, mild-mannered friend turn into to certifiable nut job after performing this simple act? I have a few friends that absolutely scare the hell out of me when their helmets go on, regardless of whether we���re out trail riding or racing. I call this phenomenon Helmet Madness, and I see it far too often. Sorta. We were cruising along at a fair clip, with Shitshowshawny glued to my rear wheel, because, it was ���go time, cupcake.��� This was after all, a National Turkey run; a time to put it all on the line and take no prisoners. Well, the combination of riding my rear wheel at a National Turkey Run must have worked him into a frenzy because a short distance later he charged through a One of my buddies, we���ll call him Shitshowshawny, suffers thick, tangled briar patch, nearly center-punching me as he took from acute bouts of Helmet Madness. Shitshowshawny and I the lead before roosting down the trail. I still can���t believe he have been riding together for years. We grew up riding the same wasn���t cut to pieces by the briars and bled out along the way. trails that we ride to this day. Even though I drop him in my Regardless, the important thing is that he got the pass. Anyway, wake during a race, he rides like a maniacal pro on our practice he motored on down the trail with 20 yards of briar in tow, insur- loop and hovers, quite literally, over my back wheel. It irritates ing no one would get on his back wheel. What followed is even me to no end, and while I may not be racing, he is. From the mo- more disturbing, and I���m not just talking about the smell of tan- ment his helmet goes on, its ���go time, cupcake.��� And if I hap- gled, burnt briar cooking on his now smoking rotors. pen to crash in front of him, I have two options, depending on how close he is. If there���s time, I will bolt to the side of the trail like a Supercross rider evading a mow-down, hoping that he only runs over my bike, or legs. Most of the time, however, I curl into the fetal position, wet myself, and pray. Those are the options with Shitshowshawny bearing down on you. A short distance later Shitshowshawny was closing fast on a gaggle of dual sport riders aboard the likes of big BMW���s and KTM 900���s. Shitshowshawny was now deep into in a fantastical and frenzied state of Helmet Madness delirium, no doubt envisioning a pass on Russell Bobbitt, Charlie Mullins and Mike Lafferty who were now in his crosshairs. 30 yards later I could A few years ago, Shitshowshawny and I went down to the Tri- tell that these dual-sporters were on his last nerve. He���d press County National Turkey Run/Dual Sport ride in Port Elizabeth, them hard in the corners and flick the bike nervously from side NJ. This was a mistake. I am not sure why, but Shitshow- to side, looking for that coveted opportunity to slip into the lead, shawny seemed destined to wreak havoc in some way on this cutting them to shreds as he rocketed by with the tangled swath trip. Maybe it was the affects of riding in a new region? Or of briar patch in tow. And then I heard it: The panic rev. ���Oh maybe it was the fact that we were at a National event, Turkey no���, I thought to myself ���these guys are going down like bowl- Run or not? But from the moment he stepped out of the truck, ing pins; he���s done screwing around.��� They had after all, ig- he had ���that��� look on his face. That look that say���s: I���m here to nored his panic rev and cost him precious seconds at this win and no one is gonna stop me. I will not be denied. National event. However, 50 yards later we were dumped onto As Shitshowsahwny was too hung over to get his stuff together the morning of the event, several hundred riders had already taken the course before him, and he was determined to pass them all���. every single one of them���. showing everyone just how devastatingly fast a bottom dwelling, NETRA B-Vet rider can be. It was after all a National event! Within 15 feet, he was delirious with Helmet Madness���or dehydration from the previous night���s activities, either option is perfectly viable. Anyway, I heard him back there; panic revving the engine and feeling the occasion wheel tap in the corners ��� situation normal, right? 4 Trail Rider a cart road where he could make the pass without incident. Crisis averted, right? Nope. Rather than make the easy pass on the straightaway, Shitshowshawny hung back, biding his time. ���What the heck is he waiting for��� I thought? And then I saw it. I started yelling ���don���t do it, don���t do it!��� It was pointless; no one could hear me as Shitshowshawny wound through the gears while the dual-sporters www.TrailRider.com

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