moved to skirt the edge of a long, deep
puddle. It was payback time, bitches!
Costing Shitsowshawny precious seconds
in his quest to be one of the top 200 finishers in this winner-take-nothing National Turkey Run was not going
unpunished.
His timing was perfect. With the dualsporters hugging the edge of the puddle,
Shitshowshawny fanned the clutch,
grabbed some throttle and spilt the puddle
on his back wheel, dousing the dualsporting ���squids��� with several gallons of
South Jersey water, sand, and mud. To
say they looked stunned beyond belief is
an understatement. Fortunately, their eyes
and goggles were blurred in a watery,
sand mixture allowing me to slip by, undetected and completely horrified.
Several miles later he noticed the long
train of briar patch had wound around his
rear wheel and he pulled over to stare at it
(he doesn���t carry tools.) I encouraged
him to get the heck out of there before
people began lining up to punch him in
the mouth, but he had had no memory of
what had transpired just a just few miles
back. Truth is, I may believe him, as A)
his eyes roll in the back of his head when
he puts his helmet on and B) his Helmet
Madness affects his short term memory.
Believe me when I tell you that there���s an
embarrassing amount of evidence to support this. When it was over, we quietly
loaded up and got the heck out of there.
Shithsowshawny is hardly alone in suffering from helmet madness. There seem to
be varying degrees of helmet madness
and while Shitshowshawny may seem
like a severe case, he pales in comparison
to another friend; we���ll call him ���Defective.��� We���ll chronicle Defective���s exploits next month. Until then, keep the
Helmet Madness under hat.
March 2013
5
