Trail Rider Magazine

2) Find a Bruce. What? you ask. Well, the start of my riding career was tremendously helped by a fellow named Bruce, who is a coworker of my boyfriend and has a nice track that he lets us ride. Since Day One, I have ridden better with Bruce around: it has even been suggested that I tape a wallet-sized photo of him to the inside my bark busters to improve my performance at races. I haven't, not because I don't think it would work, but because I think Bruce would find it creepy. Anyway, after a year of scientific inquiry, I think I have finally fig- ured out how the Bruce Effect works, and how you, too, could benefit from it. First, I will describe the common characteristics of Bruces so that you may recognize one if you see one. First of all, a Bruce is never your signifi- cant other, parent, sibling, boss, or anyone else you may categorically resent for giving you well-meaning advice. Second, a Bruce is patient and a good rider. It is also helpful if the Bruce is mechanically adept so he (or she) can help you when bits of your novice Frankenstein bike start falling off on the trail. That said, the primary func- tion of the Bruce is not to instruct or directly aid you in any way—the magic of a Bruce is that riding with him or her is not stressful. The Bruce is simply a pleasant, capable person with whom you can log some seat time without worry- ing about making an ass of yourself. That said, though the Bruce is by defini- tion an easy-going, amiable character, it is possible that riding with you is a bit of a chore for him or her, since you are profoundly inept, extremely slow, in need of frequent supervision, and occasionally forget two-stroke oil or gloves and must borrow them from the Bruce's collection. This situation may be re- dressed by offerings of beer, or maybe manning the grill after a ride now and then. 3) Work on your bike. I don't mean you need to be able to reverse-engineer a motorcycle out of a block of aluminum in your basement, I just mean get a han- dle on basic maintenance: change your tires, adjust your chain, bleed your brakes, change your brake pads, sprockets and chain when they wear out, clean your air filter, jet your carburetor, change your oil. It's not hard, and moreover, you're never going to find anyone else who will do all that crap for you—espe- cially not for free. Yes, it can be frustrating; yes, your family and neighbors will have to listen to you shrieking foul oaths at the machine while they try to go about their business; yes, you will probably find some way to hurt yourself, make problems worse, cause new ones, and ruin half your clothes in the process—but it is worth it. I cannot guarantee that familiarity with basic wrenching will make you a better rider. However, letting the condition of your bike go down the tubes will certainly make you a worse rider, because at some point performance will deteriorate or something will break, and then you won't ride for months on end. March 2014 29 Continued on Page 31

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